I wonder if the person reading these words has ever wondered what reconciliation has to do with me? And am I part of the reconciliation process? Before turning to a quick and possibly already familiar answer to you, I invite you to take a moment to let these questions pass through your body and mind.
Reconciliation is a word repeated over and over again in the media, on social media, public and private activities, and in everyday conversations. Different personalities and civil society organizations name it as a necessary condition to advance in the construction of a lasting peace.
I have constantly met people who, explicitly or implicitly, believe that reconciliation is an exercise in which the only ones involved are those who have somehow been part of the armed conflict or have suffered its affectations. In my case, this perception was transformed when I accompanied the second phase of implementation of the Art to Rebuild project of the Prolong Foundation and I had the opportunity to recognize the multiplicity of paths and the different possibilities that exist in reconciliation.
Next, I would like to share three key elements of the Art to Rebuild reconciliation model that allow us to broaden the understanding of reconciliation and that are fundamental to understanding the role that each of us can play on the way to it.
1. Reconciliation is in the transformation of our daily habits
Beyond restricting reconciliation to a process that is resolved in a meeting room or in a political event, Art to Rebuild proposes that reconciliation is generated in everyday life, in the behaviors, thoughts and emotions through which we relate to others.
During the workshops it was not necessary to resort to the experiences lived in the conflict to identify how distrust, prejudice or even violence were present in the lives of each of the participants. It was precisely in their experiences as mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, neighbors or friends where this type of behavior occurred. When any of the participants referred to habits that did not generate individual or collective well-being, they usually referred to family experiences where conflicts were resolved by shouting or to their community relationships where prejudices marked relationships with their neighbors.
Paying attention to how our daily relationships may be reproducing violence, prejudice and distrust is the first invitation to engage as actors of the multiple reconciliations. Thus it is possible to recognize that in our daily actions we can change the forms of behavior to which we have become accustomed after having lived for so many years in the midst of armed conflict.
2. Reconciliation is a conscious process
“The more conscious we are, the more choice we have.”
Oren Sofer
As people we generate patterns in which our body and mind learn to respond in the same way to similar situations; for example, always shouting in response to a comment. Transforming these habits requires dedication, intention and attention, it involves pausing and reviewing our emotions, our thoughts and giving the body and mind a moment to explore different responses to the moment we are living.
Taking that pause and paying attention is an invitation that is repeated over and over again during the Art to Rebuild process. Through exercises of conscious breathing and body attention, we expand our attention and we are increasingly recognizing our repetitive behaviors and identifying the moments when we can act differently and break the patterns we have reproduced.
At the end of one of the workshops, one of the participants shared with great amazement how after putting into practice the breath and the pause in her day to day her life has been transformed: “Now I no longer respond screaming in my house and my children ask me what happened to me that I no longer scream at all times. Our relationship is much better.”
3. We all have a role in reconciliation
“We’ve all been broken.”
One of the most important proposals of the process was the experience of the Japanese practice of Kintsugi as an opportunity to repair a piece of ceramic with gold leaving its fractures visible.
Experiencing this metaphor was an opportunity to find that even though we have lived different histories, we can identify with a fracture, either because we have ever been broken, because we are at this moment or because we have generated a fracture in someone else. It doesn’t matter if in the repair process some took longer or if the fractures of their parts were larger or deeper. Seeing others preparing, recognizing each other in breakups, opens the door to more empathetic relationships in which for a moment the differences are blurred.
The second phase of Art to Rebuild is not yet finished. The final stage remains in which what happened in these months of meetings and exploration will be shared with the rest of the country and the world. This moment has a fundamental place in the process: it is the invitation that the model makes to the community to approach reconciliation. After reading these three elements I hope that when you have the opportunity to see the result you will find many more answers to the question at the beginning: what does reconciliation have to do with me? And am I part of the reconciliation process?
References and bibliography
Sofer, O. (2020) Say what you want to say: How to have close and sincere dialogues through nonviolent communication. Editorial Urano.